


mechaphilosophy in the snack aisle

by FreezingKaiju



Series: i hear thunder and raise my umbrella high [2]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: "Wonder Girl" As A Term Of Endearment, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Holding Hands, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Nagisa Kaworu Is Still Not Human, Nightmares, Rei Has An Opinion And Can't Handle That, Shinji And Rei Are Siblings, i promise i actually like mecha stuff these four just would not, references to canonical deaths
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:41:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23035672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreezingKaiju/pseuds/FreezingKaiju
Summary: While running an errand with Rei, Asuka discovers, to her horror, that she agrees with Rei, Kaworu, and Shinji on something: none of them like mecha anime. Nightmares are discussed, hands are held, Kaworu stands on things he shouldn't.
Relationships: Ayanami Rei/Souryuu Asuka Langley, Ikari Shinji/Nagisa Kaworu
Series: i hear thunder and raise my umbrella high [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2033542
Comments: 22
Kudos: 136





	mechaphilosophy in the snack aisle

September. Saturday afternoon, about three-ish, Asuka didn’t bother to check. One of the handful of friends she’d made at the community college had invited her to a movie night at five. Of course, like everything in life, an escape like this came with a catch. This catch wasn’t the  _ worst _ , though; if she was picking snacks, then she could pick her favorites. 

And like always, Wonder Girl decided to tag along. 

That was both a problem and a benefit. Benefit, because Asuka knew there was gonna be someone there she could talk to, someone to start a petty fight with, someone to sneak out a window with if shit got rough, someone to make sure she didn’t touch any booze, and someone to back her up and deck a motherfucker if this turned out to be some shitty prank.

Problem, because she couldn’t for the life of her think of a topic to  _ argue _ about while they bought snacks.

“Well?” Ayanami asked, as she plucked a microwave popcorn package off a shelf and swept it into the cart.

“Gimme a sec.” Asuka’s eyes scanned over the rows of chips, as if bags would give her an idea that  _ wouldn’t  _ be insipidly tumblr-ask-game-y. And she already knew Rei didn’t know a thing about discourse, be it Doctor Who or Voltron.

_ Wait. Voltron. _

Asuka snapped her fingers, yanking a bag off the shelf in a dramatic flourish and lobbing it in the cart. Stopping and checking is for wusses. The chips landed with a satisfying crunch.

“So!” She felt Ayanami’s creepy stare boring into her neck like a vampire who missed the whole ‘teeth’ memo, and whirled around to meet her gaze. “I’ve got our topic.” Hands on hips, smirk in place, Asuka gave herself a dramatic pause. “ _ Mecha _ !”

“Mecha,” Ayanami echoed, stare flickering away from Asuka to a glance at some shelf. A couple years ago, that would’ve pissed her off to no end. Now she knew better; that was Wonder Girl’s sign she was thinking. She’d learned a lot over the past years. Her signs of discomfort, of happiness, what not to touch (neck), what not to call her (doppelgänger, fake, tool most of all). She liked to hope Ayanami put the same effort in for her.

“Mecha!” Asuka repeated, then added, “Because it’s stupid, and it’s lame, and I’ve never liked it.”

Ayanami remained silent. The corner of her mouth twitched down; frustration, or fear, either of which was...weird, especially for her.

After what felt like forever (but was probably just a minute), Asuka broke the silence. “Uh...hey? Earth to Wonder Girl? This is where we argue? Did ya forget our whole thing?”

Ayanami blinked, slow and deliberate. “I...agree.”

Those two words felt like a slap to Asuka’s face. “You...you what?!”

“I agree. I... I don’t like mecha.” Ayanami’s stare snapped back to meet Asuka’s, and for some reason there was  _ fear _ in the depths of her red irises. “I  _ hate _ mecha.”

The two of them were, in a word, shook. In all twelve years of knowing each other, this was the first time Rei’d ever  _ agreed _ with Asuka. Well, they’d agreed on some things, but never their Specific Argument Topics. And Rei felt  _ stronger _ on it than Asuka! Jokes about Wonder Girl finally growing a spine, about how “the robot got sentience,” about how the irony of it all had slipped through Asuka’s fingers, and she grasped for a single word:

“Why?!”

Ayanami lifted a hand in the air, and Asuka tensed. Was Wonder Girl going to punch her? Over a stupid anime opinion?  _ Sure, let’s go, let’s throw down! In the grocery store! Because life is already that goddamn crazy! _ She could feel herself getting fired up.

...but then, Ayanami’s wrist went limp. Her hand twitched back and forth, a motion that practically short circuited Asuka’s guesses. What was she doing? Was there something seriously fucking amiss?! She directed her glare at the hand, then at the Rei attached to it. “The fuck’s wrong?!”

“I,” Ayanami began, still making the weird hand motion, “Can’t explain why.”

Asuka let out a sigh of relief, and immediately cursed the fact she was holding one in at all. “Well! Nice to see I’ve stumped you for once, then!” She let out a laugh that curdled in her mouth when she glanced back at Ayanami, whose face was a mask (well it was ALWAYS a stupid mask, a stupid blank  pretty doll mask) of concentration. “Wait, is it, like... serious?”

Ayanami shook her head ever so slightly, and Asuka found herself wishing for the nine thousandth time that her rival could maybe find the guts to express herself more. It sucked a little, being the only one who could read the book that was Wonder Girl, but hey, take pride in all she can. “Your reasons?” Ayanami asked, more pointedly towards Asuka this time. 

“Well!” Asuka put her hands back on her hips and took a few moments to parse her thoughts, rattling off each one whenever it popped into mind. “It’s always some military bullshit, first off! Colorful space military, come join, fight the good fight, all that shady shit. Feels like propaganda for a thing that doesn’t even exist!”

“Japan does have a military,” Ayanami said.

“Do they have mechs, though?!” Asuka shot back.

“Fair, continue.”

“Right! And it’s always kids, or teens! Which, I get it, power fantasy, I love that shit sometimes, but like! That responsibility? On someone like, 14?!”

“That’s the conceit of most shows,” Ayanami pointed. Back and forth, good. Asuka craved these kinds of volleys.

“Yeah, but think about it! Superpowers, magic, both of those are usually, like, accidents? Or self-accepted, or born with? But like, a cool mech was  _ built, designed, approved! _ Someone at the top of the line had to say, oh yeah, put a kid behind the wheel of that big stomping deathbot! What could go wrong?!”

“Much,” Ayanami conceded.

“And sometimes I...” Asuka paused, practically screaming at herself ‘ _ GENUINE THOUGHTS, ABORT, ABORT, SHUT YOUR FUCK _ ’, but her traitorous mouth kept going, “...get nightmares about like, me being in one, fighting all these other mechs, and the dream always starts out  _ fun _ and  _ perfect _ and like I’m  _ doing something _ , and then--”

“And then?” Rei cut in, and Asuka didn’t know whether she wanted to deck her or collapse in her arms, but the words kept going either way.

“And then the mech gets hit, and I fall over, and everything hurts and I’m bleeding all over and I... and I fucking die, every time, I always die screaming and I always die alone!” Asuka hugged her arms to herself, winding down from her rant. She refused to look at Rei. “I just... It’d suck, to die in one of those. To die alone.”

Rei didn’t respond, and Asuka didn’t look... at least, not until she felt Wonder Girl’s cold, soft fingers, ghosting across the back of her left hand. She let go of her own arms, hands dropping to her side, and Rei’s fingers lightly caressed that hand again, then laced with Asuka’s longer, rougher ones. The grip was loose for just a moment, before Asuka gripped on like a lifeline. 

“Like this’ll help,” Asuka scoffed, voice barely above a whisper. “Like I need help. I’m fine! I’m-- Just gimme a moment, I’ll be fine.”

Rei gave a slight nod in response, and Asuka stayed quiet. Shallow breathing gave way to proper rhythm, and Asuka put her smirk back on.  _ Everything’s fine. Can’t lose my grip. Thank fuck I didn’t cry.  _ She refused to let go of Ayanami’s hand, though. “Your turn, Wonder Girl,” she prompted, bravado almost regrown.

“Dehumanization,” Ayanami responded. “In two forms.”

“...huh?” Asuka raised an eyebrow. Maybe Wonder Girl’s stance on it would be interesting after all. Especially given her whole... ’tool’... thing. “What d’you mean?”

“First form.” Ayanami held up her index finger. “Mechs are masks.”

Asuka tilted her head. This she wanted to hear.

Ayanami continued, “A person steps inside a mech enough, they stop being a person. They’re a computer, running the mech. The mech becomes them. Like a superhero, but...” She paused, waved her hand again. “But a hero sees their foes are people. If the two of us were in mechs...” Ayanami averted her gaze. “I wouldn’t know it was you. You’d just be a part of a big robot. Just a target. Easy to kill.”

“... yeah, that’s fucked up!” Asuka laughed nervously.  _ How the fuck did it get this heavy? _

Ayanami nodded again and returned her stare to Asuka’s face. Her loose hold on Asuka’s hand tightened, almost imperceptibly, but Asuka felt it. “Apologies. Losing you is my worst-case scenario.”

Asuka felt her whole face erupt into a massive blush. _Scheiße!_ _What kind of stupid, pathetic, desperate, sweet, romantic shit is she pulling?! What do I SAY?!_ “You too!” Asuka blurted out, regretting it instantly. “Idiot!” she added, as if it’d sharpen the admittance into a stab rather than a confession.

It didn’t work; to Asuka’s sheer fury, Wonder Girl cracked the slightest of smiles, and... and blushed.

Rei could  _ blush. _

Asuka felt her heartbeat ramp up at just that sight. Desperately, she tried to reign the conversation back into direction. “But about the mecha! Your second reason?!” she asked, though she already had a pretty good idea of what it was.

“Second form: pilots are disposable,” Ayanami said, and Asuka dabbed inside her mind. “Anyone can pilot a mech if the pilot dies. Through replacement, or… cloning. The ‘same person’ could be one in a series. That gets internalized. I… would internalize that.” Her gaze grew distant. Scheiße. 

“Hey.” Asuka tugged a little on Rei’s hand, and maneuvered around so Rei was leaning on her. 

Rei didn’t respond. 

“There aren’t any more of you, dummy,” Asuka said. “You’re Rei Ayanami. The  _ only  _ Rei Ayanami.”

Rei responded only to nudge Asuka.  _ Keep going, got it. _

“And...and even if there were more! Even if there were a thousand fucking Reis, you’re the only Wonder Girl.”

No response for a moment, two moments, three… then Rei began to hum. It was soft, tuneless... familiar, though. Rei’s hum. Her special weird way to say she felt safe, or happy, or content. Asuka didn’t really know which. Maybe it was all three. She knew, though, that she could listen to it forever.

Unfortunately...

“May I intrude?”

In an instant, the two rivals ripped away, Asuka with a shriek and a jump aside while Ayanami sidestepped silently. As her fury ratcheted from 1 to 14, Asuka’s gaze whipped over to the intruder on their moment.

Perched atop one of the shelves was the lanky, white-haired weirdo Asuka recognized as Kaworu. He was new in town, but he had made a fucking impression; not many people go door to door to tell everyone they’re new in town without being on some kinda list. He flashed a grin that struck Asuka as a little too wide. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?! Creep!  _ Dummkopf _ !” Asuka hurled a string of further insults, finishing with, “And what the fuck are you doing up there anyway?!”

Kaworu’s grin remained. He spread his arms and seesawed his shoulders, like he had never shrugged before and was trying out the concept for the first time. “I climbed. Overheard your discussion and felt like joining.”

“What?” Ayanami asked before Asuka could tell him to go fuck off. 

“Mmm. What you mentioned, about... de-human-ing, was it? I find it even more tragic, from the unarmed foe’s perspective. Some powerful creature that,” he made strange air quotes, “‘must be dealt with’ is fighting tooth and nail against something made with the most perfect engineering humanity can figure. It’s...sad? Futile? I’m not sure of the proper word...” Lost in thought, Kaworu slipped off the shelf he was perched on and tumbled to the ground, landing on all fours with a hiss. 

Asuka burst out laughing, but it turned into a groan when she heard the frenzied patter of sneakers approaching the aisle.  _ Great. Another person. And with my luck, it’s-- _

“Kaworu! Kaworu, are you okay?!”

_...Shinji. _ Asuka rolled her eyes towards her currently-out-of-breath former classmate, who was scrambling to help Kaworu up, rambling on about workplace safety or something. Lots of things to call Shinji. Tryhard. Lab partner. Sorta friend. Rebound “crush.” Asuka decided to skip any polite pretense. Not a classroom, not Ayanami’s house, Shinji didn’t need to be her problem. “Hey, moron.”

“O-oh!” He seemed to notice the other two and waved a little. “Hey, Asuka, Rei, nice to see you two?”

“Brother,” Ayanami offered as her greeting for the moment. They had been officially siblings for awhile now, ever since the trial, but as far as Asuka knew they were still on shaky ground with each other. All the better, she didn’t want to deal with Shinji’s bullshit any more than she had to. 

“How serendipitous of you to arrive! We were just discussing an intriguing topic,” Kaworu announced, as if he were bringing up the obvious instead of grandfathering Shinji into his interruption. “Mecha? Mecha anime? Are you familiar with it, and what are your thoughts on the topic?”

“Uh...” Shinji’s eyes flicked between them, and shrunk in on himself a little. Asuka… okay, she had to admit, that was kind of a worrying way to take an easy question like that. He shrugged. “I-I’ve seen some Robotech, some Gundam, a little of Tiger and Bunny? Saw all of The Big O and really liked it, but... I stopped watching them, I guess.”

“Why? Ya get scared?” Asuka smirked. She refused to even  _ think  _ “mood” in relation to Shinji.

“Kinda? I mean, I-I--” he stuttered, stumbling over his words as ever, “I just, it stopped being fun? I started... I dunno. Thinking about the pressure I’d be under, if I really was in one of those. Can’t pretend I’m a cool robot pilot once I think of it like a responsibility.”

“And the responsibility could be so cruel,” Kaworu added, leaning on and over Shinji. The moron blushed pomegranate red, and Asuka clapped a hand over her own mouth, trying not to burst out laughing.

“I-I mean yeah, I--” 

“Let’s go.” Ayanami nudged Asuka, and she made an effort to tune Shinji out. Not like that was hard. “We’re running late.”

Asuka let out a sigh of relief and grabbed the shopping cart again. “Thank fuck. Let’s get the fuck outta this idiot stand... zone... whatever!”

“We had a good moment,” Ayanami observed, not commenting on the mangled insult. Who knows, maybe someday she’d get Wonder Girl to laugh. “And they ruined it.”

“Ugh! Yeah!”

“That moment. It could happen again.”

Asuka laughed. “In your dreams, Wonder Girl.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This will be part of an au collection as soon as it has a name. Suffice to say it takes place six years after "a stupid stubborn sort of vow".


End file.
